he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
