I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
