i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
