Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
