we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
