oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
