OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
