when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
