Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This baby is an asshole
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
