I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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