Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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