Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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