I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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