he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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