life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
