i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
