1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
