i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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