your room smells of hookers.
And success
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
