i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
