So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
