I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
