My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
