Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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