wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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