I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
