handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
