Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
