I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
