taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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