he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
