There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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