i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
