we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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