so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
