Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
