I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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