smell my finger.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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