Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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