Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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