Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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