I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
