dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
