how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
