I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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