Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
