whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
