your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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