Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
