The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
