Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
