addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
