How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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