We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
